Better Together
by the-lesbionic-woman
Summary: One-shot. Karma's POV. She messed up. She really messed up this time, and it's killing her. Amy's never felt so far from her, and she wants nothing more to have her back in her life. But how can she possibly deal with her own feelings and try to get Amy to just look at her again?


**Disclaimer: **I got a promotion, but I still just own this laptop and an empty hamster cage. I decided to do something different and go with something in Karma's point of view this time. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy.

_Note: _Thank you to everyone following me and reviewing and reading! You guys are seriously amazing, and every new alert totally makes my day. And yes, for those wondering, I will be updating "Get It Out" in the next few days!

- Better Together -

The moment I felt Amy slipping away from me, the more I overcompensated with Liam. I really did like him. Adored him actually. He was super hot and an amazing kisser, but after a while, the thrill I found being with the hottest guy in school diminished. We decided it would be better to be friends because neither of us was getting much out of our arrangement anymore. At that point, I found myself with no one. Amy and I didn't hang out as much anymore; I couldn't fault her for that, though. I threw her feelings in her face.

I sat with Liam and Shane at lunch now. I always picked a table where I could keep my eyes on her. She sat alone with her head in a book or scratching away at what I assumed was homework. Every day at lunch, I would gaze at her. I wanted nothing more than her to come back into my life.

"You're staring again," Shane said, kicking my foot under the table. "Go talk to her!"

"I can't," I said finally.

"Why not?" demanded the boy. He sighed when Liam and I exchanged guilty glances.

"I messed it up," my frown deepened as my voice cracked through my admission. "I've hurt her before, but this was something different. You know that."

"I do," Shane frowned. "Want me to talk to her?"

"No!" I said hastily. Even Liam leaned back.

"You can't keep staring at her every day, Karma. It's creepy."

"Why can't you guys just kiss and make up?" Liam asked. I glared at him. "Wrong phrase, I am fully aware of that now."

The bell rang to go back to class, and though we hadn't spoken in quite some time, the fact that she didn't look up to meet my eyes stung. There was a dull ache in my chest that I kept chalking up to missing my best friend terribly. The first week, I ate peanut butter every day. The second week, I cried in the shower five times. Then my Netflix queue filled and emptied several times. My parents started questioning me last week. I can't bear to say much to them about it even though I know they mean well.

"_Karma?" my mom called softly with a succession of light taps at the door. "Karma-bug, can I come in?"_

_I sniffled and nodded. I was about to open my mouth when she opened the door. A smile tugged at my lips because I didn't have to say anything; I really did love my parents. She gave me my favorite tea in my favorite blue mug and sat next to me. She put the mug on my nightstand before enveloping me in a hug._

"_Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, brushing my hair out of my face and wiping my tears away with her thumbs._

_I shook my head. I rested my head on her shoulder, and she tugged me into her. She didn't seem to mind as I cried softly into her shirt. After a bit, I calmed down enough to draw breaths that didn't shake and tremble. She rubbed my back soothingly, and I was lulled into a sense of comfort that I missed from Amy. Just thinking about it made my eyes prickle with tears again. My eyes must have been exhausted because the tears never fell._

"_Did you and Amy break up?"_

"_Yes," I whispered, not even bothering to correct her or fix my lie._

_Actually, the truth was it seemed so natural of a progression that the admission Amy was my girlfriend just kind of slipped out. I never told Amy that. I was so wrapped up in my fake lesbian relationship and newfound popularity that I excitedly blabbed to them that Amy and I had been elected Homecoming Queens._

"_Oh honey, what happened?"_

"_I broke her heart," I choked out._

_She kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand, then she called me something that I hadn't heard in a long time, "Oh my little one… It'll be okay, my little love."_

"_I just want my best friend back, Mama…"_

"_I know, baby, I know."_

I was walking in the park after school when I saw her. My heart leapt into my throat; it took everything I had not to rush over and grovel. When I got closer, I noticed she was with a girl. They were talking closely and laughing; she was smiling like I hadn't seen her smile in a while. It made my chest ache. This stranger could make her smile like that, someone was fixing my mess, and Amy was moving on from us.

From our friendship, I meant.

My best friend.

The girl kissed her softly, and I felt so sick. I spun on my heel and ran back for home. The noise must have caught their attention because I could hear Amy calling after me. I don't know what hurt worse- Amy kissing that girl or the fact that she didn't actually come after me.

Maybe our friendship was taking its last painful breaths.

The next day at lunch, I sat sandwiched between Shane and Liam. I'd let Shane in on the way I felt when Amy kissed the other girl, and he just looked at me knowingly.

"What?" I demanded, anger rising in my voice. He held up his hands.

"Karma, sweetie, it sounds like you were jealous," he answered. "I'm not saying you were; I'm saying it just sounds like you were, okay?"

"I'm sorry," I sighed and put my head in my hands. Liam awkwardly patted my shoulder.

"Will you just talk to her?" Liam asked. Then he peered at Shane over me. "If we ever fight, I'd talk to you, buddy."

Shane laughed and only said, "We'll never have a fight like this."

I felt bad for always burdening them with my problems. Amy was usually my go to girl, my favorite source of comfort, the best shoulder pillow I could find. Shane and Liam spent the next half hour trying to give me words of advice or giving me tiny pats of affection. The only thing that made me feel both simultaneously better and worse was Amy catching my eye once.

The moment her eyes met mine, I felt like I could breathe just for a second. I hoped she could see the crazy amounts of apologies I had somehow. She turned back to finish her book. I studied her face as she read the last page, and I saw the way her shoulders slumped, the way all the breath left her body. I wondered what she was reading. If I had any courage, I'd ask her somehow, but all of my bravery was gone.

Why did I throw everything back in her face? How did I mess it up _this _badly? I'm so, so stupid.

"_Karma, I think I'm actually in _love_ with you," she cried after we'd spent an hour of heated arguments and snappy trades. Tears streamed down her face, and I felt so conflicted and confused._

"_I'm with Liam," I said. "I'm definitely not gay, Amy. So find someone else to put your newfound sexuality to use on."_

"_You started this!" she yelled, face marred in despair and confusion. "This was your stupid idea; if we never would have done this, I could have lived the rest of my life in blissful ignorance. I wouldn't be replaying all those freaking kisses in my head all the time!"_

"_If I'd have known you enjoyed it, I never would have kissed you," I coldly said._

_The color drained from her face. The world fell silent, still, and my stomach bottomed out. All of a sudden I felt empty. A broken, tiny sob escaped her lips as she looked at me like she'd never seen me before. I sighed and reached out for her, needing to feel her skin, needing to let her know I didn't mean it. Before my fingertips could even brush her arm, she jerked back from me as if I'd stab her with a thousand tiny hidden needles._

"_Amy, I didn't mean- I don't know why I said that, I just-"_

"_No, it's okay, Karma," she mumbled, shamefaced, refusing to meet my eyes in a way that made me feel like the worst person on the entire planet. "It's nice to know how you really feel about this. Have a good night."_

_She walked out of my room, and it took me a minute for my brain to catch up to the moment. I flew out of the room after her. When she finally realized I was trying to get her to come back, she picked up the pace and soon she was running like an Olympic athlete out of my driveway, out of my sight, out of my life._

"_Amy!" I screamed after her, but the night swallowed her name and echoed it right back at me._

_I threw up in the street before dragging myself hollowly to bed. That night, I dreamed of her eyes. The only sound that echoed in my mind was that small sob. I wanted nothing more than to call her back, to apologize until the words all jumbled together in a guilty speech, but my pride held me back. _

_After that, I threw myself in a relationship with Liam, ignoring the hurt looks she sent my way at least five times a day._

I didn't even remember going to sleep, but somewhere in my dreams, I found Amy again. I made it right. We were back in her room the night before Homecoming looking at the stars on her ceiling. Her head was on my shoulder; her hand was in mine. Everything felt calm. It was perfect. I remembered looking into her eyes, dream Amy's eyes were so clear I almost believed she was real. My heart sputtered, and I leaned closer to her. Her breath washed over my lips. Her skin was so warm, her cheek smooth under my fingertips. I pressed a soft kiss and nearly cried out with relief when she kissed me back. Then my eyes shot open into the bright morning sunlight.

When I woke up, I felt the sense of loss so keenly my throat burned with regret. There was a party at Shane's tonight, and I just knew he was going to make her go. They kept their friendship up; sometimes I prayed he would try to convince her to come be my best friend again. Sometimes at lunch, he would complain about her lack of social life. Yes, he'd definitely make her go.

I dressed for the night with her in mind. I didn't think too much on it, only that I wanted her eyes on me. I needed her to look at me, to see me, really see me, and not just look through me. I had a lot to make up for and I didn't even know how to start if given the opportunity. I just knew I needed to do it, or I would spend the rest of my days at Hester High drowning in guilt and regret.

At 9 pm, I walked into Shane's. The party was in full swing, and everyone was drinking. Liam came up to my side, pressing a drink that was thick with the smell of alcohol. He nodded.

"You look like you need to relax for a minute," he said gently. "It looks like if you'd have seen Amy just now, you'd panic and bolt. If you want her back, you can't do that. I'm rooting for you guys."

"We weren't really dating, you know that," I replied in frustration.

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" he asked with a small smile. "If you need me, you know where I'll be, okay? But I don't think you'll need me. Text me tomorrow."

I was going to stop him to force him to keep me company and keep me calm, but as soon as he moved out of the way I saw her. She was wearing what was comfortable to her but still presentable. Dark jeans that hugged her hips. A kind of tight black muscle shirt I jokingly bought her from the boys' section last year. My mouth was dry; I wiped my sweaty palms against my skirt.

My heart was in my throat as I walked up to her. The closer I got to her, the more nauseous I felt; I only felt like this around guys I thought were hot, and now it was bubbling up for Amy. I was confused for a millisecond. I put the very idea out of my mind temporarily. The only thing I wanted out of tonight was getting Amy to hear me out, to understand.

"Can we talk?" I asked her before my stomach started feeling worse. I put my hand over my stomach, and she looked like she was about to decline my request until she saw my face.

"Karma, are you okay?" she asked me quietly.

Her voice sounded so sweet to me, and not so unexpectedly, my eyes filled with tears. I looked at her, really looked at her. With my eyes, I traced the familiar jawline, the shape of her eyes, the way her mouth was downturned in confusion and worry. God, she was absolutely beautiful. Why hadn't I seen it before? Or why had I been so… panicked that night I was unnecessarily cruel? I spent a few extra seconds on her lips; the feeling of them against my own came rushing back to me. She just looked so freaking gorgeous, and the butterflies fluttering in my stomach turned into a swarm.

I felt it rising in my throat. I was going to throw up. I put my hand over my mouth and raced to the bathroom. Once I was safely away, the feeling subsided, and I instantly thanked whoever was listening that I didn't throw up. While I was splashing cool water in my face, there was a soft rap against the door. I unlocked it and opened it to see Amy. She was conflicted but worried.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she slipped inside and locked the door back.

Instantly, my heart was hammering again. I didn't trust my voice so I just nodded. She sighed and sat next to me on the floor.

"A fine mess we've found ourselves in this time," she mumbled.

All of the apologies I'd practiced in the mirror or in the shower didn't help me in this moment. I was so taken aback by her presence, by the way she smelled, the warmth of her body next to mine. I didn't know what to do.

"I was scared," I blurted.

"Of what? Me? I'd never take advantage of you!" she nearly shrieked. I furiously shook my head.

"That isn't what I mean," I admitted, twisting my fingers.

"You're nervous," Amy said as she looked down at my hands that instantly stilled under her eyes. "Karma, why are you nervous?"

She looked at me like she already knew the answer. I bit my lip.

"You got nauseous when you looked at me tonight," she went on. "Do I really look that terrible?"

A quirk of her lips. That was enough to ease my mind a little.

"No," I finally said, "not at all."

She smiled shyly and looked down.

"Amy," I started, tears already spilling over as she looked at me in surprise, "I don't think you'll ever know how sorry I am. It's been so terrible without you. I thought about you every day, and I missed you every night. It was awful. My heart was broken, and I thought it was because I wanted my best friend back. But it turns out this has been the hardest break up I've ever been through."

"Break up?" she asked dubiously.

"It felt like it," I mumbled with embarrassment heating up my face and neck. "I thought I wanted my best friend back, but I wanted my girlfriend back… You have _haunted_ me for weeks."

"Karma."

Her voice was like a plea. I looked into the eyes I knew better than anyone else's. She took my hand, and the relief that flooded through me was so great I felt dizzy. We both leaned in. If I just moved forward a fraction, I would be kissing her.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked, fear creeping into her voice.

"Amy," I whispered back as my lips ghosted over hers, "I have never been so sure in my entire life."

She surged forward and tangled her fingers in my hair. When her nails lightly scratched over the base of my neck, I couldn't help the noise I made. She took the chance to deepen the kiss. The moment her tongue brushed against mine, I was thankful we were sitting down. Every part of me felt weak. I was alight with heat I didn't know I could feel if you'd have asked me last month.

We took time exploring each other as innocently as we could. Our friendship was always full tilt and full speed ahead, so I tried to keep it as tame as I could. I knew that our first time would be special, romantic, not in Shane's admittedly immaculately clean bathroom. It didn't stop my hands from wandering and memorizing some of the softest places on her body.

Everything about her was amazing, and this moment was no exception. She tasted like freedom and falling in love; I saw every color behind my eyes with each kiss, with each brush of our lips.

Amy and I?

We will always be better together.


End file.
